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Look what the Ups man brought me!


A good score, no? So where am I at? I just moved to a new city. A new city that I’ve been a sneeze away from for as long as I’ve been alive. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s nothing. I’ve lived in 2 neighborhoods for 23 years. There were a few years where I went away to school but I always knew where home was.

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I just got home from what’s going on these days. Allow me to explain. First of all, my brother won’t stop talking to me. Like ever. Like Jesus Christ. Anyway, I’m gonna try to type while he talks and respond so I don’t sound like an asshole.

Okay, so, I just got back from this dance club. In other states it’d be a strip club but it’s illegal to show nips in VA. Stupid, I know. Anyway, I went to the store to get some things and stopped at the not-strip club and had a few drinks. Funny, there wasn’t even a girl on stage for most of the 2 and a half hours I was there. I even got singles. Whatever.

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Just do it

Essential to the writing process.


Future Essay Topics

  • White People
  • @normaltweetguy
  • What is the point of going to strip clubs/Why can’t I stop going to strip clubs
  • Why Doritos are more appealing to young people than Lay’s
  • An expose on a person who flosses daily

Tinder’s trying to make me seem like an asshole.

It’s not notifying me when I have messages from my matches so I don’t realize I’ve been responded to for like an hour. I’m not gonna get any pussy new friends this way.

Nothing in my life has made parenthood seem more frightening than the Louie episode “In the Woods”


My Friday so far.


In other news

I honestly don’t understand why certain doom is supposed to be news. Like, why don’t we all just get in a mood about the fact that we’re gonna die all the time, huh?

(via thecultureofme)