I was panicking about this one ‘til near the end. I was feeling like I wasn’t going to make it out of 500000 at one point. Then it all turned out okay. I think that’s the connection here. I’m going to be fine.

I’ve been doing a decent amount of panicking lately, mostly with my senior seminar final paper that ended up at a whopping 25 pages (including title and references). I’ve still got a little work to do then, oh yeah, a LIFE after that, but I think I need to worry less if I plan on enjoying the rest of my life. I do, after all, have most of it ahead of me.

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Hell, it’s been a while since I’ve played Tetris. I don’t even know what 700793 means but if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say it’s the worst I can do.

Success is relative. My life hasn’t really changed much over the past few months. At least that’s what it looks like on the outside. Within, I’m… scoring the lowest scores I know how to score. 700793 is waking up late, missing a class, and not starting any HW until 1am, insuring that the same thing is going to happen the next day. I’ve done one of these about “looking good on paper” so I don’t want to retread too much but shit, that’s what my life is all about. I stay in my lane and I shine in it, angry that I can’t move out and move up. It’s that kind of week.

This is losing!

It’s not really losing, it’s just not doing well. I don’t score under 700K ever. I’m better than this. Coincidentally, that’s what I was saying all day yesterday. I felt so good the other day. I felt like I understood what my next steps had to be. Now that I’m back in the environment where I need to be taking them; taking advantage of my opportunities, I can’t. I’m right back to where I was and now I don’t even know why. Ugh. Fack.

It’s funny how good becomes mediocre once you recognize great. I have the 15th highest Tetris Friends Marathon score in Virginia. People are impressed by that in conversation but all I can think about is how I don’t even scratch the top 100 in the nation. Truth is, I doubt I’ll ever be good enough to make it but I can live with that, it’s just Tetris.

Young people are always told how good they are at something. Positive reinforcement is important to pursuing interests, I guess. Be it writing, drawing, gymnastics, whatever. We’re encouraged to try our hardest and be the best. I’m thinking right now that my best might not be good enough. All the things I like to do, I can’t help but think of how many people are probably definitely better than me and how much my efforts might not matter.

I guess the only thing you can do is practice and hope enough people are impressed with 15th in the state that they’ll pay you to keep playing.

New High Score! I thrive on the chaos of my household. I’m at my quickest here in Chesapeake. It’s been a good few days and I’m about to hit up that beach so it’ll continue to be good. I recently thought about going back to Pizza Hut, something I swore I wouldn’t do. Still, I need money. Not gonna ruin today. I’m on my new high score swerve.

One of the worst games I’ve played in a while. It reflects the mood. I’m sick right now, I’ve been sniffling all day and I’m afraid I’m going to wake up worse tomorrow than I am right now. It’s been a nice long weekend though. It feels like a Sunday night even though it’s only Saturday.

My bro and his sis invited me to come out and do it up big for New Years but I’ll be damned if I skip out on responsibilities for fun. Did I mention how attractive my bro’s sis is? I should be proud of me. Instead I’m annoyed and that score is the product of said annoyance. Days like this I want a time machine. I want to go back and just make a lot of different decisions. I feel like I’d be a lot happier. I probably wouldn’t even have a fuckin’ tumblr.

If I would just stop making stupid mistakes I’d be perfect. They’re always late game too. This game I made a huge oversight that I didn’t think I’d recover from. Hopefully this time life will be reflective of the game as opposed to the game being reflective of life. I could really use a recovery right now. I’m fuckin’ up.

Second best game ever, I think. I was almost there. Anyway, still sick. Still not doing anything important or improving myself. I know usually people’s New Years Resolutions are complete bullshit. No one ever loses the weight or stops “getting in their own way” but I’ll be damned if I don’t turn myself around in the next year of my life. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it just so happens that we’re right around the change of the year currently. As soon as I’m out of a Pizza Hut uniform this January, I vow never to wear one again. That means a different job and it damn sure means a better job. I real job. I feel like life is about to leave me behind if I don’t grow up and start accepting some real responsibility.

Good game. I was just looking back at old “Tetris Life” tags and realized that I’ve had higher scores like 4 times. I’m sick right now so I’m not going to work. I felt like I had to defend my cold when I called in to work. It’s bullshit because I’ve never called out, never missed a day, never been late, never left early. I would think I’ve earned some trust by now but I guess not. These aren’t related, I was just bored and decided to play Tetris today.

B+. That’s what I’m looking at as far as grades go this semester. Exam week starts tomorrow. I have 4 tests. 1 Thursday. 2 Friday. 1 Saturday. I plan on being super fuckin’ prepared, especially for Gender Comm. I need an A on it to get a B in the class. The teacher’s a tough grader but her final is multiple choice because she didn’t have time to write essays due to illness so she’s a nonfactor. I just need to shit all over it. I’ll probably be a sparse tumbl-r for the next few days. I’m gonna watch a movie, eat some dinner, and fall into focus mode for the next few days. Wish me luck.